Anxiety in my Mind – Silly panic attack

I’m writing this on my iPad because I’m at my parents’ and of course I don’t have my keyboard with me. So let’s see how long my patience lasts when I can’t type properly.

Let’s do this.

I had the silliest panic attack today. Well it didn’t feel silly while I was experiencing it but it was definitely one of those attacks that when they’re over makes you look back and think why on earth was I panicking over THIS?!



Rewind to earlier today when I was about to leave to go visit my parents. I was also meant to go to the gym with my Grandma. 

I was putting on my makeup when I suddenly discovered that the side of my nose was swollen. 

Cue a panic attack.

Yes. Really. I started panicking over a slightly swollen nose. 

Because I had no idea how I got it. 

What is happening? Is my face going to start to swell too? What if I won’t be able to breathe? I don’t want to end up in hospital. 

I didn’t go to the gym. I stayed at home. (Until the evening when I was feeling better and came over at my parents’ place.)

And while I was also aware that I was “just” panicking and these were anxiety thoughts, I needed outside confirmation that I didn’t need to be hospitalized. I was on the phone with my Dad for an hour. And I also took beta blockers. 

I’ve been doing very well recently so now I’m trying not to be too discouraged over this. I tend to mope over things too much.

I need to just view this as a day that anxiety got a bit of a hold over me but shit happens and I move forward. 

Fighting.

PS The swelling started to go away slowly during the day. Most likely it was an internal pimple or an allergic reaction or something. Or I’d accidentally punched myself.

Fullmetal Alchemist

I had a blank page open (like I often do…) and was about to write a post complaining about anything and everything. Hashtag hormonal rage.

BUT.

Then the second teaser trailer for Fullmetal Alchemist dropped. Fangirl mode: on.

 

Independence Day and MAMA feels

Since it’s a national holiday in Finland (Independence Day ♥) I decided to come here to dig this blog up again from the coat of dust. Yay.

Basically I just have too many feels and have to get them out somehow. Story of my life. 

So. I’ve mentioned in passing before that I got addicted to kpop… And listening to the music is like only a small part of it. Damn.

Anyway.

Mnet Asian Music Awards aka MAMA 2016 was held in Hong Kong last Friday. And I watched the whole thing last weekend. (With my Mom haha she’s such a fangirl even though she didn’t have a clue what was happening.)

mama2016_sns_share

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Everything hurts

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Update: Everything hurts.

giphy

Muscle-wise, that is. (Ok. Maybe a bit feels-wise as well..)

I was at the gym with my Grandma yesterday. (We go once a week. ♥) I pushed myself extra hard and was quite proud of myself. (I figured out that working out while listening to kpop gives me the push I need… More about kpop below because of reasons.)

Well. I hadn’t taken into consideration that today was the day to “make the yard of my building ready for winter”.  Which means raking leaves. Lots. Of. Raking. Involved.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked it. My neighbours are lovely. We had so many laughs. There was some sausage grilling and refreshments. I totally ate two sausages even though I don’t usually eat meat. I feel so bad. The weather was absolutely freezing. The sauna after was heaven.

But now I have a nasty cough. Sore throat. (Super unfair if I’m sick tomorrow, it’s my day off!)

And my arms and shoulders and back are killing me.

(Also TMI I got my period so: fun times.)

*aggressively making tea*

So… Kpop. Oh. My. God. My friend got me into kpop. I hate her so much for it Joke I love her really lols ♥.

I’m always checking out things recommended to me but honestly? I wouldn’t have thought I’d like kpop this much. Damn. I should probably make a whole rant post about it but I’m still in denial about obsessing over it so maybe later. haha

Here’s to hoping I’ll feel better tomorrow!

Love, Satu

currently listening: INFINITE – One Day
currently reading: Chainfire by Terrry Goodkind (The Sword of Truth series #9)

Miss Epic Fail

I’m going to see how writing a blog post on my phone works. I just keep wanting to write but always find some excuse not to go sit by the computer. Even though I’m always on my computer? No excuses now!

(Btw am I able to strike out text when I use the phone app? Please tell me I can. Oh got it! Code’s the only way, is it?)

I have no idea what this post is going to be about so you can expect anything and everything. And probably nothing. Yay.

Speaking about writing: I’ve been thinking about NaNoWriMo actually. Participated for the first time last year and failed miserably haha. 

I wasn’t going to do it this year but now I kind of feel like changing my mind.  Even though I can’t even keep up with this blog.. *insert nervous laughter* 

Just call me miss Epic Fail.

P.S Is it weird that I’m feeling paranoid about taking a shower at midnight?! I feel like the whole building can hear. And know that they can’t. Hashtag anxiety problems. 

Little bit obsessed – The Arena by Lindsey Stirling

I randomly subscribed to Lindsey Stirling’s YouTube channel after stumbling upon her Lord of the Rings medley. She is, according to our dear friend Wikipedia: “a violinist, dancer, performance artist, singer and composer.” She also has gorgeous hair.

I first watched The Arena at the end of June when it came out. I liked it, liked the video, then pretty much forgot about it.

Until a month later when I suddenly started thinking about it? It was quite random and weird. I was about to meet with a friend and I thought that she would really like the video.

So I went on YouTube to find it and BAM! It just hit me. Now I’m just listening to it on repeat. (Thank heavens it’s on Spotify!) Today it was my jam at the gym.

Just wanted to share this little obsession of mine. If you listen or watch it tell me what’d you think!

Feast your eyes and ears:

Back to Work

Let me paint you a picture: last day of holiday, work tomorrow. It’s 10PM. I’m coming home with my cats and dog. They want food. I give it to them. There are a million things to do, like unpack and sort things out for tomorrow for a start.

So what am I doing now? Writing a blog post. Obviously. Also watching YouTube. As if I’m been too busy doing awesome epic things.

Well that’s me. Can’t make myself write when I have time but as soon as I should be doing something else: BOOM, got hit by that inspiration. *sigh*

Few words about my holiday: very relaxing low-key one. Met some friends, went to the movies, had Mom’s birthday (we went actually out to eat which I haven’t done in sooo long yay anxiety win!), had Grandma’s birthday as well and changed the order of my furniture at home.

I’m a bit nervous about going back to work.  We are in a different daycare center in July and I always get anxious about “new” things. Also I’m on the 2PM to 10PM shift so most of the evening I will be with people I don’t know.

I will be okay. 🙂

Turtles and Anxiety

Today I went to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows with one of my best mates. We also went to see the first one when it came out.

We did it kind of as a joke but also seriously, you know? Nostalgia and stuff.

It took extra effort to text my friend and suggest the date and time. (We decided to see the movie as soon as we knew they were going to make a sequel.) Hashtag anxiety problems.

Everything went really well. I didn’t struggle that much with leaving. I was a little bit anxious throughout the day and took a little dose of beta blockers. I was a little bit anxious about halfway into the movie but it was nothing really. I didn’t think about leaving or anything like that. I was able to concentrate on the movie. Thumbs up.

The film was way better than the first one! I didn’t expect anything other than good times with my friend so the movie was a positive surprise.

Sure it had stupid jokes and clichés but it was super entertaining. The plot was better, the movie had good points about team work and brotherhood and stuff. I’m a huge sucker for a brohood plotline. Megan Fox didn’t irritate me as much as April. And Stephen Amell was brilliant as Casey!

I’m not a huge fan of CGI but I love that they were able to give real personalities and character traits to the turtles. Leo has always been my favourite. He was cute.

Also: Finland was mentioned. If you want Finns to go crazy, just mention us somewhere.

The end music and animated credits were awesome. EVERYTHING IS AWESOMEEE. I sang it in the car. (My friend was NOT amused.) TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES.