Anxiety in my Mind – Part 1: Change

Change is the enemy of anxiety. Anxiety does not like change. And that is why it’s so important for us (who suffer from anxiety) to learn to embrace change.

The reason why we react to change with anxiety is stress. All changes, positive and negative, create stress. And our stress response is anxiety, sometimes a panic attack. Anxiety is a normal stress response but for us with anxiety disorders it has went a bit far. (Meaning it complicates our lives.)

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I used to be very scared (=anxious) of Summer. Yes, fricking Summer. I was scared of the free time that I had to think. Overthink. The change of routine from school/work was scary. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to go back to school/work after Summer.

Nowadays I’m much more comfortable when it comes to Summers. But still to this day I feel the nervousness when I shift from work routine to vacation.

This year I was afraid that it would be harder because I start at a new job in August. Changing jobs is a major cause of stress for anybody.

I’m a kindergarten teacher (ages 3 to 5 at the moment). So there were lots of lasts this week. Last day with the co-workers, last day with the kids, last day with the parents. There were lots of hugs and nice words.

This was naturally very emotional which is why I started my last day with a panic attack. Classic. When you are afraid of feeling the feelings, you change them into panic. And you’re not usually aware of this.

My last day went way more smoothly than I anticipated. I didn’t feel overly sad/emotional/anxious. For the first few days after, I was in a bad mood. Which I’ve noticed is a milder way of feeling anxious for me. You don’t get physical symptoms like in a panic attack but you’re just irritated by everything.

For now my goal is to enjoy the Summer and not to worry about August and the new job too much. That is a lot and I won’t be 100% successful at it but that is ok. I’m also working on not being too hard on myself. I have a lot of work to do on that front..

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