Music Matters – Serenata by Immediate Music

Just thinking about this instrumental masterpiece gives me the goosebumps. Seriously, I’m shivering as I’m typing this. (And it’s not just because of this nasty cold I have.) I go back to this song regularly and fall in love with it all over again.

The song is powerful and pure epicness.

Here it is Immediate Music – Serenata:

(Btw I like this version better than Serenata Immortale.)

I found Serenata first when I stumbled upon the following The Host fanvid on YouTube. Still to this day it is one of my favourite videos. (Love the book, movie was kind of nah. This vid is way better than the movie..) I have no idea why the vid is not showing in HD.. Damn.

Excuse my fangirling now omg. I’ve seen this video so so many times and now I’m all hyped because I have NEVER before noticed that they used Jensen Ackles for Jared in the vid! How is this even possible! (And now I’m laughing for the Jared part. Get it? Jared Padalecki?)

Well I did see this vid before I started watching Supernatural but still I have seen this many times after I started to watch SPN. This video will never be the same again.

Btw starring also Ian Somerhalder as Ian. And I love the look of Sophia Bush as Melanie. ♥

This post has turned into a fangirl rant now. As my life usually does.

 

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Anxiety in my Mind – Taking my Dad to the Hospital

Previous Anxiety in my Mind posts.

I’ve had a really exhausting week. Panic attacks, anxiety, worry. I had multiple blog posts floating in my mind about it but now when the week is over and I’m actually sitting here in front of my computer: nothing. I’ve got nothing. I think my mind is just numb about it all. Or there’s too much of it. Too many feelings, too many thoughts, just too much.

Exactly a week ago we (me and my Mom) took my Dad to the hospital.

Cue a major panic attack.

DSC_0026In a nutshell: my Dad had a blood clot in his lung, something he had a year ago too. As serious as blood clots can be, my Dad’s were found early and he hardly had any symptoms. He was just a bit out of breath. We all knew he was going to be fine.

That didn’t help my anxiety one little bit.

Now my Dad have had previous visits to the hospital  but this was the first time I was there when he had to go. I got an immediate panic attack when I realised he would have to go to the hospital. It was horrible. I was trying to be brave for my Dad but at the same time I was pacing around rubbing my hands together (what I do when I panic).

Dad actually cried a bit because he was feeling so bad about my panic. Boy did that make me feel awful. Here I was having a panic attack which although feels like hell, isn’t dangerous. And my Dad who needed hospital care was worried about me.

I took extra anxiety medication (beta blockers and a tranquiliser) and listened to Excel at Life’s panic assistance audios.

And just breathed.

I was pretty calm the whole drive to the hospital. And even though I was very anxious the whole evening, I didn’t have another panic attack.

I wasn’t able to go to work for two days.

I didn’t have proper panic attacks and I was able to reduce my extra anxiety medication. But I was anxious and tense. Every moment was like waiting for another panic attack. And wondering when Dad would come home. And feeling quilt for being absent from work. Tough days.

But as it’s always with anxiety, I adapted. I felt better every day (anxiety wise) and was able to go to work on Wednesday (it was Sunday evening when Dad was admitted) with a little, okay a lot of, help from my Mom. She came to stay at my place when I went to work. It helped when she was near.

On Wednesday afternoon I got a text from Dad saying we could come pick him up later on the day. I was so relieved.

Anxiety didn’t stop there however.

I lived in immense tension for three days and it took its toll on my body:

Firstly on the way home from the hospital I got car sick. I never get car sick. I felt like throwing up.

Secondly I got fears. I was anxious to go to work. I feared that Dad was going to end up in a hospital again. I was afraid that I was going to end up in a hospital. Irrational fears, anxiety’s best friends.

I also slept. A lot. During the weekend. But I’ve been feeling better every day.

Even if you feel terrible, it will pass.

I don’t know what the point of this post is or even if it needs a point. I just needed to let this out. I actually feel better now. Yay!

Thank you for reading. ♥

Music Matters – Great Divide by Hanson

One of my favourite songs. Really powerful. I love finding it again. And again.

So excited to share it with you guys! Hanson did the song to help fight the HIV epidemic in Africa.

My friend was talking about how MMMBop was stuck in her head and so I got all hyped up and kind of dived into the Hanson part of YouTube.

GREAT DIVIDE by HANSON

The second video is my favourite.
The earth is shaking under siege
And every breath will meet it’s fate
Still we hunger for a moment of freedom
Even though the hour is late

I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don’t see
I find hope in your hate for me
Have no fear when the waters rise
We can conquer this great divide

When every eye is on the fortune
It can only breed contempt
They say blood is thicker than oceans
Still we box our brothers in

I find hope and it gives me rest
I find hope in a beating chest
I find hope in what eyes don’t see
I find hope in your hate for me
Have no fear when the waters rise
We can conquer this great divide

(Lyrics from AZlyrics)

Movie Madness – Everest

non-spoilery ramblery  (+ previous Movie Madness posts)

I didn’t even know there was going to be a film about Everest. I just saw the trailer when I went to see, umm The Scorch Trials was it?, and thought it looked cool.

everest_xlgI’ve seen one mountain climbing film before this, I think I was twelve or something, and I have to admit that I got a bit traumatised. xD Being the anxious person that I am, a tense movie about people in secluded extreme conditions who struggle to breathe is not the most relaxing experience.

So I was kind of anxious already before the movie started. And it had me on the edge of my seat the whole two hours. But surprisingly it wasn’t an unpleasant experience. I really enjoyed this movie and it has stayed with me long after I saw it.

I can’t really explain why. Everest is not one of my favourite movies but it has something special in it.

What got me was the true story aspect. At some parts of the movie I thought Hollywood did their own thing to make things either more emotional or dramatic or whatever. Then later I listened to a interview on the radio where Finnish mountain climber Veikka Gustafsson told his story. He was there in 1996 when the events of the movie happened. From that interview I figured that the film is very loyal to the true events.

The special effects were stunning. Just being on top of the world above the clouds. Wow. 3D worked well. When the storm hit the whole theatre started to shake and it was awesome.

This movie makes you respect and wonder nature which in itself is a great outcome.