Anxiety in my Mind – Buying Groceries

I went to the gym with my Grandma today. (We try to go every week. She’s 85.)

After the workout we went to buy groceries. And I felt panicky.

Because of exercising my heart rate was faster and adrenaline was pumping. Things that happen during a panic attack.

That’s why working out is a trigger for me sometimes. (It’s so irritating because exercising is actually good for the anxiety.)

So I felt really anxious at the store: I was walking restlessly and it was hard to concentrate. (My Grandma has mucular degeneration which means her eye sight is very poor. That’s why we go together so I can help.) I helped her choose apples all the while thinking if I would have to leave. 

I tried not to let my anxious mind consume me. I breathed. I changed my thinking from “What if I have to run out What if I have a panic attack What if I faint?!” To “If I need to I can go outside and have a breath of fresh air and then come back.

That did the trick. I was able to keep my thought prosess calm and realistic. And at the same time giving myself a way out without actually running away from the anxiety.

I didn’t have a panic attack. The anxiety went away and I was able to complete shopping. 



Me, Myself & Chocolate – Friday night gloom

So, Friday night, the weekend ahead! Yay! I can sleeeeep.

I actually woke up in the middle of the night last night and went back to sleep thinking I could sleep in today.

I was shocked and disoriented when the alarm went off this morning. I thought it was on by mistake. My heart skipped a beat when I realised I have to get up for work.

I always daydream at work on Friday (don’t tell my boss) about the relaxing things I’d do that night: laying under a blanket watching a good movie or something.

And what I end up doing? Laundry, laundry, laundry. Going to the post office. To pick up my online shopping yay. And cleaning up cat sick.

I also spent a good portion of the evening (almost TWO HOURS) watching jacksepticeye playing That Dragon, Cancer. (I’d never thought I’d be watching gamers on YouTube. I love Jack’s cheerful spirit.)

I cried.

Almost held the feelings back and felt them appear as shortness of breath. So I let go and let the tears fall. It was purifying. I should cry more often.

I hugged and kissed my dog Jaime and he was so confused.


Movie Madness – Joy

I started my New Year with going to the movies with my Mom.

I loved Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle so naturally I was excited to see the third David O. Russell movie starring Jennifer Lawrence (and Bradley Cooper).

(Even though I have to admit that before seeing any trailers I had doubts about a movie that tells the true story about how a Miracle Mop was invented.)



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